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  • Writer's pictureTori Leto

The Polarizing Nature of Authenticity: Why People Love or Hate You

Growing up, I didn’t have many friends, and I don’t have many now. People either love me or hate me, and the same applies to those I call my friends. But why? Why does this happen to me, or maybe to you? I consider myself a kind person, filled with compassion and empathy. I’m a great listener and genuinely care about others. So why do some people dislike me? Perhaps it's because I am too authentic, too honest, too self-assured in my beliefs. But is that really a bad thing? I spent much of my life as a people pleaser, molding myself into the version I hoped others would like. Spoiler alert: it didn’t work. But, if I am a good person, why do people hate me?


Being genuine and true to yourself is a powerful and admirable trait. Authenticity means showing the world who you really are, without masks or pretenses. While some people appreciate and respect this level of openness, others might find it intimidating or challenging. Authenticity can make people confront their own inauthentic behaviors, which isn’t always comfortable.


Honesty is a double-edged sword. On one hand, honest feedback is crucial for growth and trust in any relationship. On the other hand, it can be hard for some people to accept, especially if it reveals uncomfortable truths. Those who value honesty will appreciate your straightforwardness, but others might find it harsh or even confrontational.


Confidence is often admired, but it can also be misunderstood. When you’re confident in your values and beliefs, it can attract admiration from those who see it as strength. However, it can also provoke envy or resentment from those who feel insecure or threatened by it. Confidence can sometimes be misinterpreted as arrogance, especially by those who struggle with their own self-esteem.

Clarity in Relationships

Having clear boundaries and expectations in relationships is healthy and necessary. It ensures that your interactions are based on mutual respect and understanding. While this clarity can be refreshing for some, it can be off-putting for others who prefer more flexible or ambiguous interactions. People who don’t understand or appreciate clear boundaries may feel constrained or judged.

Embrace Your Authentic Self

It's important to remember that it's natural for people to have varying opinions about us. Embracing your authentic self means that you will naturally attract those who resonate with your values and deter those who don’t. This polarization is not necessarily a bad thing; it simply means that you are living in alignment with your true self.

By staying true to your kindness, honesty, and authenticity, and by overcoming people-pleasing behavior to prioritize your own happiness, you are building a life surrounded by those who genuinely appreciate and respect you for who you are. So, continue to shine brightly, and let those who love you draw closer, while those who don’t may find their own paths. Your authentic self is your greatest asset—cherish it, and let it guide you through all your relationships.

A song that inspires me surrounding this topic is Breathe by Seinabo Sey.

Some lyrics that really hit home for me are:

"I love it here

'Cause I don't have to explain to them

Why I'm beautiful

'Cause I am beautiful"


"The way you smile

When you believe in it, in your future

It's different, it's different"

You can listen to the full song here: Breathe Seinabo Sey

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Always inspiring.

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